February 4, 2015 by britt
just an ella update
being a mom for 5-½ months has brought
with it a lot of responsibility. the responsibility
of keeping a happy home and loving relationship
with dan. the responsibility to respond with
understanding and kindness even when i am
running on empty.
when ella was dealing with colic, my patience
was overflowing. my heart ached and all i wanted
was to be there for her. not once was i ever
frustrated with her, or tired of
holding her while she had to go through that
lately, hormone levels have been changing + the
no sleep thing has really caught up to us.
i had mentioned to dan that i literally felt my patience
leave me and i don’t know where it went.
i had also noticed my thoughts were different
than normal. i would describe them as
postpartum thoughts. ya know those bizarre,
thoughts of things you would never do
the kind of thoughts that i envision floating down a
river on a lily pad and pass through and be ok with it.
because they aren’t me.
they are just thoughts of my hormonal body.
in short, after three nights of battling my thoughts
and sleep deprivation, my patience returned and i am feeling
back to myself. i don’t know why, or where it went…
but I’m glad its back.